Author: Greg E. Gifford

Domestic Abuse

by Ann Maree Goudzwaard

I. Definition

A. Biblical perspective

1. Biblical definitions, explanations, & underpinnings

• The two words “domestic abuse” are not found side by side in Scripture. A biblically informed definition of this modern-day issue would be: The misuse of an individual or individuals by someone with influence or control over another individual or individuals. The dominant person is able to exert power over those who are vulnerable to their care. The dominant person abuses their power and control by subjecting those at risk to threatening circumstances. This may be someone in whom the susceptible person trusts and loves. The goals of the abuser are to use these persons as objects for self-indulgence and/or personal gain (see passages below).
• Both men and women may employ tactics for achieving this goal; however, women are disproportionately affected.[1] Male domination includes a heightened demonstration of fear. “Fear is the painful emotion that arises at the thought that we may be harmed or made to suffer. This fear persists while we are subject to the will of someone who does not desire our well-being.”[2]
• The inherent nature involved in the following one-time events implies that this type of behavior can be interpreted as ongoing.
• The sense in which the word abuse is used in Scripture includes physical, emotional, spiritual, and verbal misuse. In the Old Testament, abuse is used to describe the way in which one deals with another, whether that entity is God, nations, or individual men and women. The implication is that one is overly severe with the other. Abused is also a particular condition in which someone may find themselves. In 1 Samuel 11:2, Israel is brought into a state of “shame” (abuse) by Nahash the Ammonite who makes a treaty with them, threatening to gouge out all their right eyes, and thus bring disgrace on Israel. Ezra 9:7 speaks to physical, mental and emotional abuse, “From the days of our fathers to this day we have been in great guilt. And for our iniquities we, our kings, and our priests have been given into the hand of the kings of the lands, to the sword, to captivity, to plundering, and to utter shame, as it is today.” Proverbs 9:7 tells us that derisive speech is abuse, and the person who responds to the wicked man who uses it is in danger of injury. Proverbs 22:10 says that, to drive out a scoffer means that quarreling and abuse will cease. And Ezekiel prophesies to Israel that they will no longer hear abuse from the nations, indicating that it is verbal in nature. “And I will not let you hear anymore the reproach of the nations, and you shall no longer bear the disgrace of the peoples and no longer cause your nation to stumble, declares the Lord God” (36:15). Abuse is also found in Scripture in the form of cursing. In 2 Samuel, Shimei curses David. This grievance is of such a nature against God’s appointed king that David’s servant asks to take Shimei’s life, “Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king? Let me go over and take off his head” (2 Sam 16:5, 9). In the New Testament, Paul instructs Timothy regarding the type of elder/pastor he should look for. “Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil” (1 Tim 3:7). Paul implies here that even the thoughts and opinions of men can be disgraceful insults. The NT emphasizes the maltreatment of people made in the image of God by the harmful, intentional misuse of words. Matthew relates verbal abuse to persecution, “Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account” (5:10, 11, 44). Matthew and Mark emphasize the severity of speaking cruelly to one another, “For God commanded, ‘Honor your father and your mother,’ and, ‘Whoever reviles father or mother must surely die’” (15:4). In John 9, the Pharisees abuse the blind man by using Scripture to “revile” him, “And they reviled him, saying, “You are his disciple, but we are disciples of Moses” (13-28). Peter instructs exiles to have a keep their consciences clear so that, when they are slandered, those who revile their good behavior in Christ might be put to shame (1 Pet 3:16).

2. Brief systematic theological review

• Genesis 19:1-8; Ex. 1:10-11; 23-25; Jdg. 19:25; Esther 1:10-11; 1 Sam. 25:3; 2 Sam. 11:2-4. While these narratives in Scripture do not provide us with liberal details regarding the issue of domestic abuse, they do provide a snapshot of the experience.
  1. In Genesis 19:8, Lot offers his daughters to the men of Sodom to do with as they please. Lot (a father in whom his daughters trusted) violated his position of power by treating them as property.
  2. In Exodus 1:10-11, the king of Egypt calls together his people and proposes the way in which they will be able to control Israel. “let us deal shrewdly with them…afflict them with heavy burdens…oppress.” In Exodus 2:23-25, God acknowledges the severe maltreatment of his people (see also Deut. 26:7).
  3. In Judges 19:25, the concubine under the care of her Levite husband is given over to the cruelest form of abuse. The abuse is not from the hand of her husband; however, the Scriptures tell us that she is offered up as an object in order to secure the safety of her husband and his host.
  4. In Esther 1:10-11, King Xerxes demands that his wife Vashti perform a lewd act in order to impress his banquet guests. His command comes at the culmination of an event designed to display the magnitude and beauty of the king’s many possessions. Queen Vashti is simply one of many of those possessions of which he feels entitled to do with as he pleases.
  5. In 1 Samuel 25, Nabal –the husband of Abigail—is described as harsh and badly behaved in his dealings (v. 3). The Hebrew qashah is translated as cruel, evil, severe, harsh, and stubborn. This description of Nabal is used in association with his wife. The Scriptures call this type of man “worthless” (v. 17), one who is ungodly (Deut. 13:13; 1 Sam. 2:12).
  6. In 2 Samuel 11, David “took” Bathsheba for himself. Nathan later charges the King with taking something (someone) into possession that was not his to take (2 Sam. 12).
• What makes the issue abusive in nature is found in the following Scripture. The Old Testament uses “abuse,” three times while the New Testament uses it twice. Qālāh in Proverbs 9:7 and 22:10 means “reproach, to make a mockery,” and in Judges 19:25 it describes a physical assault.
• In the New Testament, epéreazó means to be threatened or verbally mistreated (Lk. 6:28), while blasphémos, from which we get the word “blaspheme,” means to demean, denigrate, or subject to foul language (2 Tim. 3:2).

B. Secular perspective

1. DSM

• A psychiatric diagnosis for domestic abuse might be best stated as, “A system of abusive and violent behaviors [used] to control the victim for the purposes of the abuser.”[3] The DSM-5 categorizes adult maltreatment into four different manifestations (seen below).
• “The term ‘domestic violence’ includes felony or misdemeanor crimes of violence committed by a current or former spouse or intimate partner of the victim, by a person with whom the victim shares a child in common, by a person who is cohabitating with or has cohabitated with the victim as a spouse or intimate partner, by a person similarly situated to a spouse of the victim under the domestic or family violence laws of the jurisdiction receiving grant monies, or by any other person against an adult or youth victim who is protected from that person’s acts under the domestic or family violence laws of the jurisdiction.”[4]

2. Psychological/psychiatric diagnoses and terminologies

1. Physical, spouse or partner violence are “non-accidental acts of physical force that result…in physical harm.”[5] This includes any act that invokes significant fear, such as shoving.
2. Sexual abuse includes any forced or coerced sexual act against a person’s will.
3. Neglect is an act that deprives a dependent person of basic, physical or psychological needs.
4. Psychological abuse is non-accidental verbal or symbolic act that will result in harm to the well-being of another person’s mental or emotional state.

All of these categories describe abuse between spouses, partners, nonspousal, or nonpartner adults. Other terminology involved in domestic abuse includes coercive control, domestic violence, intimate partner violence (IVP), abuse of power and control, partner violence, domination, male privilege, narcissism, or coercive threat.

C. History

1. 1. Domestic abuse has existed since the Fall of mankind. In Genesis 3:16, God tells Eve that, as a result of her sin, her husband will “rule over” her. The fall distorted God’s design in marriage, and a sinful desire to control ensued (Gen. 3:16; 4:8; Judg. 19; Ps. 82:3-4; James 4:1-3). Behind the abuse of power and control by men in the home are sinful thoughts, emotions, and actions. The men who abuse their partners are not men with a mind for Christ. At the core of this issue is the fact that the abuser has lost sight of his love and faithfulness to God. It is from within this void that his evil actions find life. “For with hearts like an oven they approach their intrigue; all night their anger smolders; in the morning it blazes like a flaming fire.” (Hosea 7:6) This is not the gentle leadership originally intended in the man’s headship.[6] It is likewise not a command for the husband to exercise dominance in marriage any more than it is for the woman to exercise a desire to control her husband. Both the woman’s pain in childbirth and desire to control her husband, as well as the husband’s toil in work and rule over his wife, are statements of fact that will occur as a result of the Fall.[7]

II. Evidence of the Problem

A. Common themes & patterns observed in the lives of those who have been diagnosed with this problem.[8]

• The message in a home where abuse is taking place is that the husband is more important than the wife and that she exists to serve him.
• The abusive man is the main frame of reference for how the woman behaves. The victim’s thinking is shaped by the perpetrator; his perceptions, his beliefs, and his actions.
• Physical abuse may be unnecessary for the abuser to achieve his desired outcomes.
• Threats are sometimes unspoken, but consequences for resistance are fully understood.
• The type of abuser who resorts to coercive techniques has a thorough disrespect for truth and individuals.
• Abusers (in marriage) tend toward their systems of coercion unconsciously. They likely have more awareness of desired outcomes rather than methods to achieve them.
• The abuser’s goal is to get what he wants and to do this, he tries to control the victim’s heart and mind.
• The abuser is the most powerful person in the victim’s life.
• It is useless for the victim to try and challenge the abusive partner.

B. Common expressions of this problem[9]

1. Intimidation

Making the victim afraid by using looks, actions, gestures

Smashing things

Destroying the victim’s property

Abusing pets

Displaying weapons

2. Using Isolation

Controlling what the victim does, who the victim sees and talks to, what the victim reads, where the victim goes

3. Emotional Abuse

Putting the victim down

Making the victim feel bad about themselves

Calling the victim names

Making the victim think they’re crazy

Playing mind games

Humiliating the victim

Making the victim feel guilty

Limiting the victim’s outside involvement

Using jealousy to justify actions

4. Using the Children

Making the victim feel guilty about the children

Using the children to relay messages

Using visitation to harass the victim

Threatening to take the children away

5. Minimization, Denial, and Blame

Making light of the abuse

Not taking the victim’s concerns seriously

Saying the abuse didn’t happen

Shifting blame for abusive behavior

Saying the victim caused it

6. Male Privilege

Treating the victim like a servant

Making all the big decisions

Acting like the “master of the castle”

Being the one to define men’s and women’s roles.

7. Economic Abuse

Preventing the victim from getting or keeping a job

Making the victim ask for money

Giving the victim an allowance

Taking the victim’s money

Not letting the victim know about or have access to family income

8. Coercion and Threats

Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt the victim

Threatening to leave the victim, to commit suicide, to report them to welfare

Making the victim drop charges

Making the victim do illegal things

III. Etiology

A. Spiritual Symptoms

• “From a spiritual perspective, abusers, like false teachers warned against throughout Scripture, can only be identified by their fruit.”[10] “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit. A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus you will recognize them by their fruits” (Matthew 7:15–20).
• The marks of a true Christian, found in Romans 12:9-21, are
  • Genuine love
  • Abhorring what is evil
  • Holding fast to what is good
  • Loving one another with brotherly affection
  • Outdoing one another in showing honor
  • Not being slothful in zeal
  • Being fervent in spirit
  • Serving the Lord
  • Rejoicing in hope
  • Being patient in tribulation
  • Being constant in prayer
  • Contributing to the needs of the saints, and
  • Seeking to show hospitality.

The spiritual condition of a person who abuses their spouse is the opposite of these characteristics. These are people who do not walk by the Spirit (Rom. 16:18), but instead gratify the desires of the flesh with:

• Sexual immorality
• Impurity
• Sensuality
• Idolatry
• Sorcery (one might consider abuse demonic, James 3:13-16)
• Enmity
• Strife
• Jealousy
• Fits of anger
• Rivalries
• Dissensions
• Divisions, and
• Envy (Gal. 5:19-21)

B. Physical Symptoms

Domestic abusers are people. “Every abuser is a person with value and worth. He, like all mankind, bears the image of God. In light of the gospel and Christ’s sacrificial death and resurrection, he is an individual in need of God’s saving, and sanctifying work.”[11] No two victims of abuse experience it in the same way. However, the basics of abuse are present in varying degrees with every abuser.[12]

• They are entitled, and demand that their partner indulge them in their self-imposed standards of living. They insist that their world remain pleasant, their circumstances agreeable, and their importance acknowledged. Deviations from these standards are not their fault (they are typically the offending partner’s fault) and must be resolved immediately.
• Criticism is never welcome.
• Anyone fortunate enough to know them should be grateful.
• Abusers believe that they have the highest degree of knowledge. All other opinions, perceptions, thought processes, and viewpoints are subject to evaluation by the abuser and generally trivialized as inferior and unworthy of consideration.
• Abusive partners manage their control in part by mental gymnastics intended to keep the victim in a constant state of confusion, hysteria, madness, unreasonable thinking, or second guessing. The following are some of the maneuvers an abuser may employ:
  1. Withholding: the abusive partner pretends not to understand or refuses to listen.
  2. Countering: the abusive partner questions the victim’s memory of events, even when the victim remembers them accurately.
  3. Blocking/Diverting: the abusive partner changes the subject and/or questions the victim’s thoughts.
  4. Forgetting/Denial: the abusive partner pretends to have forgotten what actually occurred or denies things like promises made to the victim. (Adapted from: Source) [13]
• Abusers control both the mind and the behavior of their partner. They are the standard for how things should be done, and they insist that their partner adhere to the conditions that they determine. This includes how they interact with the abusive partner; however, this dynamic is equally focused on how the abuser wants the victim to think and to behave.
• The type of person who is abusive is oblivious to the idea of being an abuser. “When blindness and boldness, ignorance and arrogance, weakness and willfulness, meet together in men, it renders them odious to God, burdensome to society, dangerous to their counsels, disturbers of better purposes, intractable and incapable of better direction, miserable in the issue.”[14]
• They also know how to behave and speak so as not to let anyone know that they are mistreating their partner.
• They are adept at analyzing their partner’s weaknesses and capable of magnifying those weaknesses in such a way as to make the victim look like the more probable abuser in the relationship.
• Because of an attitude that objectifies women and considers them as simply possessions, most abusive men have an addiction to pornography and/or significant misunderstandings and practices in their sexual relationships.
• Abusers believe that men are superior beings and women exist to serve them.
• Abusers believe that women are power hungry and male haters. Men are meant to keep women in line.
• Abusers are people who seem to have been wronged by everyone in their world. They find this as justification for doing what they do.
• Abusers are satisfied when they can create fear in their partner.

IV. Examining the Heart

A. Heart Themes

• Luke 6:43-45 helps our understanding of the heart involved in domestic abuse. An abusive partner reveals their heart by the fruit of their actions and speech. “No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thorn bushes, or grapes from briers. A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”
• Galatians 5:13–17 describes those who walk by the flesh rather than by the Spirit. “For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another. But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.”
• Romans 1:17-32 is an accurate evaluation of what is happening in the life of abusive men who know truth, however they choose to suppress it (v. 17-23). The Lord then gives them up to self-worship (v. 24-31)

The righteousness of God is revealed in salvation, for salvation (v.17)

The unrighteous of men suppresses truth (v.18)

God reveals himself to man (v.19)

Man knows God’s power, deity, and glory but it condemns him (v.20)

God deserves honor (v.21)

Men who dishonor God are fools (and are blind of this fact) (v.22)

Immortal God deserves glory (v.23)

Foolish men glorify self (v.23)

Therefore,

God’s wrath is seen (v.24)

Sinful men are left to self-worship (v.25)

Self-worship is the foundation of domestic abuse.

Dishonorable passions (v.26, 27)

Debased mind, what ought not to be done (v.28)

Unrighteousness

Evil

Covetousness

Malice

Envy

Murder

Strife

Deceit

Maliciousness

Gossip

Slander

Haters of God

Insolent

Haughty

Boastful

Inventors of evil

Disobedient to parents

Foolishness

Faithlessness

Heartlessness

Ruthlessness (v.29-31)

B. Idols of the Heart

• Why do abusers do what they do? James would tell us that it is because of what they want. A partner that would use any of the tactics listed above is one whose passions are at war within them. The predominant passion is pride, and at the center of that root of pride is the sin of self. Abusers fall prey to original sin over and over as they consistently chose self-worship over God-worship. “For the abuser, the shape of his world is him. So, all of his words, gestures, and attitudes (or worse) are intended to emotionally, spiritually and/or physically control his wife’s thinking and behavior. Whatever he does is meant to shape her heart and mind primarily toward him; his wants, his desires, his needs. His aim is to make himself supreme ‘on the throne of his own self-hood.’”^[15]
• In order to support self-worship, abusers must maintain control of their environment and relationships. The abuser who idolizes control assumes a position between their partner and Christ and takes His place in all rule, authority, power, and dominion in the relationship (Eph. 1:22).
• Closely related to the idol of control is an idol of comfort. Control has, as its objective, shaping the abuser’s environment to accommodate the abuser’s comfort (Dan. 4:30).
• Directly following the idol of comfort is an idol of privilege. In the kingdom of self, abusers believe they are entitled to be served rather than to serve (2 Sam. 11:1-4)
• Other idols that feed self, control, and comfort include lust, pride, and fear of man. “On the surface, dominance appears to be blatant lust for power to facilitate self-indulgence. Lust and self-indulgence most certainly add fuel to the fire, but the source of the fire is pride. Pride pushes the individual to force others to acknowledge his or her superiority…Pride also generates fear of failure. Fear of failure demands ever greater dominance to attempt to ensure success.”[16]

V. Biblical Solutions

A. Counseling Agenda

• Self-worship is considered a life dominating sin.[17] Counselors who work with men exhibiting this behavior focus on the heart by helping abusers restructure their thinking. Replacement of ungodly habits includes:
  • Putting off the old self, which belongs to a former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, being renewed in the spirit of the mind, and putting on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness (Ephesians 4:22–24).
  • It requires, continuous prayer, dependence on the Holy Spirit, hard work, and a long-term commitment.[18]
  • The heart of violence is not only be uprooted, it is also to be replaced with the mind of Christ (Phil 2:5).[19]
  • The abusive person is to look beyond their own interests and in humility considers others more important than themselves (Phil 2:3-4).[20]

B. Recommended books

Secular:

• Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (New York, NY: Berkley Books, 2002). For a comprehensive understanding of an abusive man, Bancroft’s book is essential to the counselor. While insight from his sociology is important, he has no biblical understanding of anthropology or sin, nor does he recommend any biblical solutions. Caution is advised due to foul language and utter lack of hope found throughout the book.
• Rachel Louise Snyder, No Visible Bruises: What We Don’t Know About Domestic Violence Can Kill Us (Bloomsbury Publishing: London, UK, 2019).Snyder’s book has been called a “tour de force” for understanding domestic violence in American culture. She is a recognized journalist and professor who approaches this topic with careful skill and razor-sharp detail: she “illuminates the dark corners” of what might be considered an epidemic in relationships today. One of the things that it is important to glean from No Visible Bruises is that we need to be asking better questions about violence in the home. It’s not enough to ask, “why doesn’t she just leave?” We must simultaneously be examining why men feel they have permission to resort to violence as a solution to their (perceived) problems, and how the church is uniquely poised to address that question head on. You won’t get that from Snyder’s book, however. She is not a Christian and extreme caution is advised. The language is raw and repulsive. But as victims of abuse will tell you—victims in Christian homes—they hear this type of language every day. Another important take-away from this book is the church’s potential naivety when it comes to domestic violence. Unless controlling behaviors are eradicated they will escalate—often times to extreme violence. Abusive tactics will intensify over time as the methods previously useful for achieving control diminish in influence. And “Christian” men can be just as dangerous as non-believers. Additionally, domestic abuse is not simply a difficulty that affects marriages: DA has been identified as a common factor behind most mass murders in the United States. The church is significantly behind the culture as far as examining the dynamics of domestic abuse. A final suggestion for how this book would be helpful is to encourage better discussions regarding how to go about preventing abuse in the home rather than simply how to respond to it. Snyder promotes her thoughts toward that end. But it’s likely we, as the church, should do so much better.

Christian:

For understanding victims:

• Joy Forrest, Called to Peace: Learning to See the Glories of God’s Love (Blue Ink Press: Raleigh, NC, 2018).
• Sydney Millage, Sanctuary: Hope and Help for Victims of Domestic Abuse (Bemidji, MN: Focus Publishing, 2018).

For understanding abusers:

• Chris Moles, The Heart of Domestic Abuse (Focus Publishing: Bemidji, MN, 2015).
• Counseling Care for Domestic Abuse, https://ibcd.org/product/counseling-care-for-domestic-abuse/

C. Recommended homework resources

For Victims

• Michael Card, A Sacred Sorrow: Reaching Out to God in the Lost Language of Lament (Quiet Times for the Heart)(NavPress: Colorado Springs, CO, 2005)
• Elyse Fitzpatrick, Because He Loves Me: How Christ Transforms Our Daily Life (Crossway: Wheaton, IL, 2010).
• Mark Vroegop, Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament (Crossway: Wheaton, IL, 2019).

For Victims and Abusers

• Greg Gilbert, D.A. Carson, What is the Gospel? (Crossway: Wheaton, IL, 2010).
• Milton Vincent, A Gospel Primer for Christians: Learning to See the Glories of God’s Love (Focus Publishing: Bemidji, MN, 2008).
• John Owen, Spiritual-Mindedness, Editor, R.J.K. Law (Banner of Truth Publishing: Carlisle, PA, 2009).
• W. Tozer, The Knowledge of the Holy (Harper Publishing: New York, NY, 1961).

[1]National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, National Data on Intimate Partner Violence, Sexual Violence, and Stalking, https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs-fact-sheet-2014.pdf (Accessed November 2019).

[2] A.W. Tozer, The Knowledge of the Holy (New York, NY: Harper One Publishers, 1961), 99.

[3] E. Pence and M. Paymar, Education Groups for Men Who Batter: The Duluth model, (Springer Publishing Co, New York, NY, 1993) 30. As quoted in Mary Ann Dutton, Lisa Goodman, R. James Schmidt, Development and Validation of a Coercive Control Measure for Intimate Partner Violence Final Technical Report, Prepared for:

National Institute of Justice Office of Justice Programs U.S. Department of Justice 810 Seventh Street, NW Washington, DC 20531, December 30, 2005.

[4] United States Department of Justice, https://www.justice.gov/ovw/domestic-violence#dv (Accessed 12 November 2019).

[5] American Psychiatric Association, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (American Psychiatric Publishing: Washington, DC, 2013), 720.

[6] John Calvin, & J. King Commentary on the First Book of Moses Called Genesis Vol. 1 (Bellingham, WA: Logos Bible Software, 2010), 172 as quoted in Ann Maree Goudzwaard, Help[H]er, General Editor, Melanie Cogdill Beyond the Roles: A Biblical Foundation for Women and Ministry, (Lawrenceville, GA: CDM Discipleship Ministries, 2019), 131.

[7] K. A. Mathews, Genesis 1-11:26 Vol. 1A, (Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers,1996), 248–252.

[8] The Guardian, “It’s like you go to abuse school’: how domestic violence always follows the same script.”

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2019/jun/24/its-like-you-go-to-abuse-school-how-domestic-violence-always- follows-the-same-script?CMP=share_btn_link

[9] Chris Moles, The Heart of Domestic Abuse (Focus Publishing: Bemidji, MN, 2015).

[10] Sydney Millage, Sanctuary: Hope and Help for Victims of Domestic Abuse (Bemidji, MN: Focus Publishing, 2018), 33.

[11] Millage, Sanctuary: Hope and Help for Victims of Domestic Abuse, 33.

[12] Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (New York, NY: Berkley Books, 2002), 78-105.

[13]National Domestic Violence Hotline, What is Gaslighting? https://www.thehotline.org/what-is-gaslighting/ (accessed November, 2019) as quoted in, Healthy Place for your Mental Health, Natasha Tracy, Gaslighting Definition, Techniques and Being Gaslighted https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/emotional-psychological-abuse/gaslighting-definition-techniques-and-being-gaslighted (accessed November 2019).

[14] Richard Sibbes, The Bruised Reed (Carlisle, PA: The Banner of Truth Trust, 1630, reprint 2011) as found in Millage, Sanctuary: Hope and Help for Victims of Domestic Abuse, 34.

[15] A.W. Tozer, The Knowledge of the Holy (New York, NY: Harper-Collins Publishers, 1961), 29 as quoted in, Ann Maree Goudzwaard, The Shape of Oppression, Part 2, https://ibcd.org/the-shape-of-oppression-part-2/ (Accessed November 2019).

[16] Marshall and Mary Asher, The Christian’s Guide to Psychological Terms (Focus Publishing: Bemidji, MN, 2004), 63.

[17] Ibid, 108.

[18] Ibid.

[19] Moles, The Heart of Domestic Abuse, 97.

[20] Ibid, 98.